What would happen if we kissed?

Would it be soft and warm…and safe?

I’d like to pull you close

And feel your lips

Graze my lips

Soft as a rose

The thorns of logic don’t matter now

I'm now 20! I should start finding my very first wrinkle any day now, my mother has even offered me the use of her intensive anti aging night creme. thanks mum, thanks alot! It was a pretty good day yesterday Mum was feeling alot better, she's still pretty sore where she got the cancers removed...but doing really well! My mum and dad got me a new ipod!! I was so happy, my other ipod....well it died about 4 months ago, it was like losing a friend. Hahahaha i know that sounds materialistic and sad doesn't it?

I got lots of phone calls from family members, the most notable was from my grandma (the senile one) asking me why i wasn't at school on a friday (uh...cos i havn't been at school for 2 years grandma) and then asked where my brother was, and i said in Nepal....and then she retorted with "well why the bloody hell is he there? It's frightfully cold to be swimming around in a pool!" *sigh*

i got an awesome present from "tianta" it was a picture she drew me, i love it!!!! i just go and look at it all the time hahaha , and ofcourse all the other special birthday well wishes i got from my on and offline friends were all special.

I've also put on weight, which is confronting me today. i dont like it one bit, not one bit...but whatever i suppose

xx

what the english language would be better off without:

1) The word emo, i hate it...what does it even mean? (i know i know, it stands for emotional...) I'm sure half the people insulted as 'emo' actually have depression/bipolar, give them a break!

2) People using 'u' for 'you'  and 'r' for 'are', and anyother word abbreviations. wot (what), y (why), nemore (anymore), woz (was, not really an abbreviation is it?), dat (that)...oh you get the gist, but all of it annoys me! or when people deliberatly use 'right' for 'write', 'whether' for 'weather' (etc and visa versa)

3) People deciding grammar should go out the window, YOU STILL NEED TO USE COMMAS GOD DAMN IT! Oh, or people who pose questions and dont have question marks, but instead exclamation points. Doesn't that annoy you! ( )

4) PeOpLZ wHo TyPe LiKe DiS

5) Any porn/romance novel name for genetalia/genetal functions (think 'love stick', 'love tunnel', 'love juices/seeds' anything like that! it totally gives me the creeps)

 6) ROFLMAO. Now, I can handle LOL, but roflmao is a tad overboard. Reminds me of the metlink acronym batbygobsttopl (buy a ticket before you go on busses, trams and trains or pay later) and that was meant ot be a funny joke...roflmao is just lame.....wait i have my own long winded acronym!

DBAMUCL=don't be a mug, use correct language

!

*might edit later when i think of more*

am I as fragile as you first thought?
a broken, lonely establishment
surrounded by a moat of toxic waste?
atop the highest cooling tower,
did you think i was crying?

apparantly you live and learn
that swimming around the issues
in the deep pools of acid
will mean eventually you disapear
coroded, eroded, melted, wasted...gone

the steeliest glare upon my withered face
also disapeared into the ponds of disolving dreams
surrounded by images of you catching my fall
but dear knight (my shining white knight)
were you aware i jumped?

Things I Do When I'm Alone:

1) Model all my clothes, trying out different combinations, making sure it all still looks good. you have to have a full face of makeup for this

2) dance infront of my mirror to my favorite songs

3) google my name, of late there seems to be another me who is a librarian in Nebraska, America and one in an awesome band called Coastal

4) walk around in my underwear, too much effort to wear clothes all the time

5) plan crazy diets and excercise schdules

6) write poems

7) take photos of things and my self hahaha

innocence and romance
this flower means so much,
it says "i love you"
and it shall forever
be close to my heart

i have to say, i have been consumed by my camera and photoshop the past few days. its an obsession! but a hell of alot of fun, and a huge distraction! but i do have ajob interview tomorrow, so perhaps i wont be needing distraction for long. but if i DONT get this job, i could get another one for sure. i just need to keep putting my self out there and everything. i mean i've gotten jobs in the past, i cant suddenly have become unemployable. if needs be i'll think about persuing work at supermarkets, fast food chains and even being a funeral director(oh my careers councellor would be proud, she thought i would make and excellent funeral director)! seriously, i went to a funeral the other day and it was like they were so bad! i want someone nice, but honest to run funerals.

on friday its my birthday. blah. oh well, as long as there are no police/fights/runaway attempts(ok by me) or anything else dramatic and fucked up i think i can survive.

i'm having a great music session at the moment, Jim Croce rocks my world. and Neil Diamond, i love how they use imagry in their songs...also they're really raw and passionate. if i were a male 60s muscician i would like to have been them. poor Jim had his untimely death though :/

We watched the lights sparkle
Like luminous jewels
Dotting the horizon
Worth a million dollars

And I hold your hand
Tightly, like I’m afraid
That letting go
Would mean you would

The lights twinkle
Like grounded stars
Watching us
Watching them

The silence in thick
Warm and sticky
Each breath fills my head
With you, always you

And I like to bury
My head in your chest
And smell your perfection
(it’s a leathery, smoky perfection)

The trees sway
Emulating my elation
Rushing through
The moment we kiss

If I could hand you love
On a silver platter
Or a thousand million jewels (or stars)
I would give you this moment

i'm feeling slightly melancholy today. i feel like i want something i cant touch, but i dont know what it is i want. i think i need to be more communicative within my self.

 I want it to be night time, in the australina late spring early summer, when the wind is warm (not hot) and scented with all the new blooming flowers. I want to lie outside watching the stars and playing join the dots while the trees rush with the wind. i dont know why i have this sudden urge, i think its because me and my brother used to do that when we were younger. I miss him so much *siiigh*.

i went up to the yarra boulevard yesterday to take photos and i am awe struck, always, by this view. how could it not  dumb found you? when you look at that picture, you're looking at thousands of people going about their lives....so beautiful and humbling

I love playing with contrast

pipes are cool ok!

graffiti is so pretty sometimes

well anyways, i just felt like sharing photos...not much other stuff totalk about right now

my mum has skin abonormalities, the doctors think its cancer. she's getting them removed next tuesday...i dont know what to think...it doesn't feel real yet. she's going to be ok, she has to...my mum doesn't have cancer...it doesn't happen to people like her (but thats what they all say isn't it?).

had a good day today, i have this whole new perspective on life and what matters after last week (aka week born, bred and raised in hell).

i went out with sylvia taking photos, oh it was glorious to be going out again and taking pictures...then i went to my fave op shop and bought some second hand records to add to my collection, cos i had 8 bucks left over from my earnings. i totally forgot i even had it, it was like at the bottom of my bag. would have been usefull to know so i could have eaten something last week, ah well!

i only smoked one ciggarette today as well, i've promised my friend emily that i'm giving up (again)...so i'll get there.

i have just got an e-mail from my brother, he's doing some amazing things over in Nepal. his project is working with the street kids/prostituted kids...so he's decided he's going to do some fundraising and awarness raising. get this, he's going to give all the kids cameras and film and everything, let them take pictures of their whole life...then he's going to get them printed/edited and shown in some galleries and even in.......a book!!!!! how amazing is this? the govenernment is totally gonna be behind him, so he gets some funding from that...but oh my god im so insanely proud of him! this is the boy who was told he would never amount to anything at school. what the fuck did they know?

me playing with photoshop :/